What Your Words Are Actually Doing to People
- Anthony Carrai
- Jun 9
- 5 min read
You've probably heard someone say, "I'm just telling it like it is" right before they said something that left a mark. Maybe you've said it yourself.
Being direct isn't the problem. Being harsh is. And most of us, if we're honest, know the difference — we just don't always choose accordingly.
The book of Proverbs has more to say about words than almost any other topic. Solomon comes at it like he has a personal vendetta against our big mouths. And when you read what he actually wrote, it's hard to argue with him.
Words carry the possibility of peace or war, healing or hurting, even life or death. That's not an exaggeration. That's the weight Solomon puts on every conversation we walk into.
Being Right Doesn't Make You Right
Proverbs 15:1 — "A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare."
Here's a truth most of us already know but forget in the heat of the moment: you can be factually correct in what you're saying and still be wrong in God's eyes.
God cares about the content of your conversation and the character you display in your discussion. It's both/and — not either/or.
We've all had a moment when a discussion started becoming a disagreement, and what we chose to say next either calmed things down or fanned the flames. Most of us have chosen the harsh word on purpose — because we wanted to make it worse. Because it feels good to get our anger out. Because we feel powerful when we cause someone pain in the heat of the moment.
But there's nothing worse than saying something we can't take back just to score points in a fight. Some of us still have scars from something someone said to us that cut us to the bone.
The Hebrew word Solomon uses for "gentle" here is rakh — meaning soft and tender. He's not calling us to be weak. He's telling us to use our words to take the heat out of a room instead of turning it up.
It takes more strength to respond gently when your blood is boiling than to fire back harshly.
Anyone can escalate an argument. That requires no discipline at all. But choosing to respond gently when provoked greatly — that is somebody applying eternal wisdom to their earthly words.
The Motive Behind Your Words Matters
Proverbs 12:18 — "Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing."
It's not just what we say that matters. It's not just how we say it. Why we say things matters too.
God hears your words and sees your heart posture. The motive behind what comes out of our mouths matters to him. When you speak into someone's life, is it to be heard — or to help them? Do you want to show others how smart you are, or do you want to help them solve the problem they're facing?
When you speak into someone's life, do you want to show you're right — or do you want to make things right? If someone comes to you with a problem and your goal is to make your point, you've missed the point. Most of the time, you make their problem worse.
The original Hebrew translated as "cutting remarks" carries a broader meaning than we might expect. It could be cursing at someone, babbling thoughtlessly because you're not paying attention, speaking rashly without thinking first, or letting your personal issues bleed into the conversation and making their issues worse instead of better. Those kinds of careless words wound people.
Both a sword and a scalpel cut deep. But only one does it to heal, not harm. The difference is intention.
Before you make a significant statement this week, ask yourself: Why am I about to say what I'm about to say? Before you hit send on that text or fire back a reply to that email — is this a cutting message or a healing one?
You will never regret using your words to heal someone instead of harming them.
Words Don't Disappear When the Conversation Ends
Proverbs 18:21 — "The tongue can bring death or life, and those who love to talk will reap the consequences."
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" had no idea what they were talking about. Most broken bones heal in four to six weeks. Words create wounds that take a lifetime to heal.
Think about what words do in the real world. A doctor says two words — benign or malignant — and a person's entire life reorganizes around them. A father tells his son he's proud of him, and that kid carries that feeling for decades. A parent tells their child they're worthless, and that wound shows up in every relationship they will ever have.
A careless comment from a spouse can stay with their partner for the rest of their relationship. A dismissive word from a boss shuts down somebody's confidence for the rest of their career. A tasteless joke made at someone's expense humiliates them in a way that causes them to isolate themselves from others.
Every rumor starts with one sentence spoken by one person in one moment. And those careless words spread through families, friend groups, workplaces until the damage is done and nobody can even remember where it started. Relationships that took years to build end up dying in minutes because somebody spoke death instead of life.
We have a choice every time we open our mouths. The question isn't just whether our words are technically true. The question is whether they are building something up or burning it down in someone's life.
One Sentence Can Change Everything
Who in your life right now is struggling and hasn't heard anything life-affirming in a while? Who's been carrying something heavy, and your voice — your actual words — might be exactly what they need today?
A text. A call. A conversation. Words don't have to be long or polished to carry life in them. They just have to be real — and they have to be for the other person, not for you.
Don't hold back. Speak life into their life today.
And where your words have been doing damage — it's not too late. Go ask for forgiveness, even if you don't want to. Choose the gentle answer. You will never regret using your words to heal someone instead of harming them.
We are held accountable by God for every word we speak. Not just the loud ones. Not just the cruel ones. All of them.
May the words of your mouth — today and every day — be an act of life.
This post is based on a sermon from our Everyday Wisdom series, preached at Cornerstone Bible Church on June 7, 2026.
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